


Decisions

by elainefr



Category: Daria - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 16:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 15,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8408983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elainefr/pseuds/elainefr
Summary: Can a broken relationship repaired or has too much happened. Based largely on a crazy dream that I had, so I put in my favorite leads. Review as you see fit. I don't own, nor do I make money off of these characters.





	1. The Courage to Try

"Hey."  
(v/o)She still looks good.  
"Hey."  
(v/o)Don't lose your nerve. Damn, he's still so sexy.  
"It's been….. A while….  
"Too long," she agreed softly. She took a breath to steady herself before launching into a speech that she had practiced, but knew that she would ultimately butcher in the delivery. "I know that I messed things up royally and I said some really messed up stuff, but I ,  
(v/o)She's smiling and that look….. its optimism. Aw….Shit…..  
"So don't say anything until I finish."  
(v/o)Don't say it.  
"I miss us."  
(v/o)Please…..  
"I miss how I was with you."  
(v/o)Shut up  
"I miss how you were with me."  
(v/o)Stop IT!  
"I love you and I think that you still love me."  
(v/o)YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. NOT NOW, DAMN YOU!  
"I think- I hope- I know that we can make things work, all you have to do say is that you want it too." She took the hand that hung limply by his side.  
He looked at her lovely flushed from adrenaline face.  
(v/o)How do I tell her?


	2. Don't Look Now

She held her breath as she opened the notebook and read his familiar handwriting. It was an invasion of his privacy, she knew that and she didn't really mean to do this, but it was right there on his nightstand in the open, beckoning to her. What was so wrong about wanting to know the innermost thoughts of her husband? She rationalized. Besides, he'd gotten her opinion on certain lyrics before….. The first page held some kind of artwork featuring his bands name in varying kinds of writings, the next page had the following few lines scrawled on it:  
I will lay down with my lover  
In her waiting arms  
For there I have peaceful cover  
Only she can soothe  
The savagery in this beast…..  
She closed the book and placed it back on his dresser with a smile on her face.  
So passionate! Even after the rocky start, he feels the passion. I shouldn't have peeked…..  
Her eyes went back to the book that lay there in silence as the pang of guilt washed over her. It only reaffirmed something that she should have known in the first place, she thought, so in a roundabout way, this was a good thing.  
(v/o)That's right…..a good thing.


	3. The Journal

I went to see her…..just to look at her. It's what I needed to get through…..everything. She didn't see me; that's for the better. Too complicated if I have to look into those eyes and try to explain the unexplainable. She was just sitting there, reading…..I think it's the way that she read that moved me so. That normally emotionless face, seemed to come to life at certain moments when she would read something that she found sad or amusing…..it was an amazing thing to behold. I couldn't bring myself to walk away, so I waited until she did my dirty work. Her retreating form moved further and further away and with each step my heart seemed to drop. Maybe I'll get some good lyrics out of it…..I would rather have her. I miss her, I say that a lot, but only because it's true.  
She sits in silence  
That roars louder than sound  
Shrouded in mystery  
She is a walking enigma to me  
Obsession? Maybe,  
Intrigued? Definitely.  
Her silence continues to push me to do more, so for that I will always be grateful. I miss her, a lot…..sometimes it's all I can do to get up, but then I remember her words and how disappointed she was in me and it makes me want more again…..


	4. Realizations

(v/o)He's not talking about me! He's thinking about her…..even now!  
She held the book in her hands but no longer looked at the pages that were open to her.  
(v/o)Has he really been thinking about her all of this time? We have a life that we've built together. Doesn't that mean anything to him?   
She carefully closed the book and placed it back from where she'd found it and tried to focus on what to do next, while thoughts raced through her mind at random.  
(v/o)Maybe I'm misunderstanding something. This is his private thoughts and I shouldn't have invaded his privacy…..but I did and now I can't undo what has been done. I can't- I won't believe that he's- that he wants-  
She expelled a breath and realized that she was shaking slightly. There was no way that she was going to just let this happen. She had to fight back somehow.  
(v/o)Oh, baby…..why? I won't cry…..that would be admitting defeat and I haven't lost…..not ye- NO! I will NOT lose you!


	5. Doubts

"Jane?"  
"You got her."  
"It's me. I needed to ask you something…."  
Jane waited sensing something in the air. Her brother's wife sounded upset about something and they were both normally so laid back. It was hard for Jane to imagine either of them being anything other than moderately pissed about anything.  
"Okay, shoot."  
(v/o)You wouldn't say that if you knew the thoughts going through my head.   
"That girl that your brother was seeing-"  
(v/o)Aw crap, she called him 'my brother', not her husband or Trent. Shit Trent, what did you do?  
"Does he- has he-" she didn't know how to ask something that she felt that she should already know the answer to. "Have they had contact- as friends or something?" she added hastily with clear embarrassment.  
"As far as I know they haven't spoken in years. Has something happened? What did Trent say?"  
"Nothing," she breathed a shaky sigh of relief. Jane was a straight shooter and if there was anything up, she would have directed her to Trent and made them talk it out. "It's just my overactive-"  
"Talk to Trent or whatever it is will eat away at you." Jane suggested sincerely. Her brother had been happy and focused and that was what he needed. She attributed his grounded direction to meeting and marrying the woman on the other end of the phone.  
"Yeah, I should get dinner ready, he'll be home soon. Talk to you later." She hung up the phone and sat at the kitchen table to think.  
(v/o)Just because Jane didn't know anything, didn't mean that there wasn't anything going on. He had written those things and he meant them….  
"Hey Janey, sup?"  
"Your wife called and wanted to know if you were still seeing 'that girl from before'. Mind telling me what the hell is going on?"  
Trent was taken aback by this confrontation. He was at work in the middle of a shipment being checked in, when he was told that his sister was on the phone. Jane didn't usually call when she knew he was working, so he had figured that it was some kind of emergency. Her tone of voice confirmed that it was.  
"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't even had a conversation with her…in a long time."  
"Then maybe you should clue your wife in. Something has given her cause to think otherwise."  
"I'll talk to her."  
"Trent…sorry I lit into you. I just don't want to see two people that I care about get hurt."  
"Mm…"  
"You haven't spoken to-" Jane started hesitantly but was effectively cut off, like always, whenever she tried to broach the subject of her old friend.  
"I gotta get back to the shipment, bye." Trent hung up the phone and went back and tried to concentrate on what he had been doing.  
(v/o)The mere suggestion of her still has an effect on me…damn it!


	6. A Husband and A Wife

He raised a brow at seeing her when he entered their home. She had obviously made an effort at getting things to have an atmosphere for the romantic setting that she had in mind. He watched as she greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and talked about everything that she had prepared.  
(v/o)She's nervous.  
He had gone through the motions of washing up and getting ready to sit down and have dinner. This was something that he normally looked forward to- she had a way about her that always seem to put him at ease, but he had ruined that. He knew that looking at her. He'd forever marred the purity of the truth and honesty that had been between them. He wanted to tell her…How…? He'd made promises and he'd planned on keeping them- all of them, but she'd shown up…  
(v/o)I'm gonna do right by you. I don't know how, but I'm gonna make everything right for everyone. How can something that felt so completely right, hurt so many people? Look at me; am I really trying to justify what I let happen? Clearly I'm not the guy that either of them deserves…  
He ate the dinner and gave her the prefunctionary answers about his day- well the work part. She carried the conversation with an anxiousness that Trent hadn't noticed at first, but as he did he came to a realization.  
(v/o)She knows…...


	7. The Mess of the Past

"You can't just come back after all of this time and say- things like this, especially after you went mia the way that you did."  
"You broke up with me," she accused.  
(v/o)Is that really how far you want to go back?  
Outwardly he merely raised a brow.  
"You made yourself less emotionally available to me as you grew closer to Tom. Then, you stopped speaking to me all together, once you were a couple," he countered crossing his arms across his chest.  
"You practically shoved me into his arms and gave me your blessing."  
Their once calm voices had given rise with emotions as the past came roaring into their conversation like a freight train.  
(v/o)Is he really choosing to remember only parts of what had happened?  
"You were obviously attracted to him."  
She flushed red with embarrassment. She'd hurt her two most valued friendships because of her dalliance with Tom. She and Jane had managed to slowly, painstakingly piece together the vestiges of their relationship, but she and Trent…well there had been no formal declaration of their even having a 'relationship'. Even with their breakup- there was no true acknowledgement of them being anyting other than Jane's brother and Jane's best friend, so when he had pushed her away, she had fled into Tom's waiting arms.  
Tom – he got a bad rap- from her, Jane, Trent- anyone that choose to weigh in really. True, his entrance into their lives had done a great deal of damage, but she and Jane had let him. No one had forced either of them into a relationship with him- they'd chosen their paths…for better or worse.  
"Daria…" his voice was soft and like gentle music to her ears.  
She moved closer to him and after a moment, she dared to take the two steps to where he was standing.  
"There's something you need to know."  
(v/o)I can't think clearly when she's so near.  
"The only thing that I need to know is if you still have feelings for me?"  
(v/o)I know you're feeling this too. I can't be wrong.   
"Of course I do, but-"  
She kissed him then. There was no way that she was letting them 'talk' there way out of something that they both wanted.  
(v/o)You kiss even better than I thought. I can't believe that we wasted so much time- well no more! I'm not ready to end this kiss.  
She reached up to pull his head deeper into the kiss. Their lips were locked in a fierce battle to see whom could taste the entirety of the other first. Of course this caused their bodies to follow suite. Hands roamed touching places that they never had before. This elicited wanton gasps and moans from both parties.  
His head screamed for him to stop, but she had surprised him with this side of herself and in truth- she didn't want to stop.  
"Let's take this inside," she suggested trying to maneuver them without breaking their connection. She felt his hands still her arms, effectively holding her slightly at bay.  
"We- I-" he could hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears. "I'm married."  
She wouldn't have been more surprised if he had slapped her. She slipped and fell when she backed away. He hurried to help her up. He was holding her until she regained her balance and she could only stare at him with hurt written all over her.  
What could he say? There were no words to console either of them. Somewhere in the back of his mind the lyrics to his old song 'Betrayal' echoed in the catacombs of his head.  
"I should go," she mumbled before fully righting herself.  
"Daria…" his voice held a sense of longing, "I'm sorry….."  
She looked at him and for a split second she wanted to grab his hand and lead him away. Hand in hand they would run away and have the life that they were meant to have. She turned and went back to her car. Once inside, she sagged in her seat. It had taken so much for her to garner the courage to lay everything out there before him, but she'd done it nonetheless.  
(v/o)Now what? Married…jeez-us Trent…when you break ties…What a memory to have- that kiss- and I would have done more, so very much more. He tasted like- STOP IT! It's no good to focus on something that can never happen…  
She crank up her car and looked up preparing to pull out. That was when she saw him. He stood looking at her from the top of the driveway. Both wanted to say something- anything.  
(v/o)Don't do it.  
She got out of the car and as soon as she did, he was there, holding her, kissing her, and losing himself in all of it. Common sense and decency had been thrown out the window. For them there was here, now, and them.  
"I want you-" his voice was thick and husky, before she ould reply he bit down on the vee of her shoulder. Her fingers dug into his flesh threatening to draw blood.  
"Let's- ah- go to my room," she suggested between kisses and caresses. He maneuvered them both into the open driver door and they spent the next few minutes trying to tear themselves away from each other. She was finally able to do so and climb into the passenger side and he got behind the wheel. He drove fast and neither looked at the other until they were in her room.


	8. Pillow Talk?

(v/o)Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse…so this is adultery…I'm supposed to feel guilty about this, but I don't. I don't want anyone to be hurt, but I wasn't the only one giving in here. I'm in his arms now and I don't feel wrong about anything that we shared, but does he?  
"Regrets so soon?" his voice was a soft question, while his fingers traced different parts of her face.  
"Never for what happened…I just never want to hurt you. I would understand if you were feeling regret for…..what we did…"  
He studied her for a long moment before replying.  
"I could never regret us…..but I do regret causing anyone else pain."  
It seemed wrong for them to be lying in her hotel room naked with their limbs still tangled and discussing his wife. There was silence. Neither wanted to move…for several reasons.  
"Trent," she cradled the side of his face and closed her eyes against the gentle understanding that she'd come to love for so long; she hiccupped slightly before speaking, "I didn't mean those awful things that I said so long ago. You have always been more than generous with your time and understanding of me." She opened her eyes and shone brightly with fresh and unshed tears. "I have loved you for so long that I don't know how to- not love you. It's an involuntary response that is as natural to me as breathing. I know that you have moved on with your life- you've found someone that you can build a future with. She's someone that you love." Daria bit her lip to stop the quiver before continuing. "Believe it or not that's what I've always wanted for you. To be happy and to be able to give and receive love from someone that is as good and kind as you. It's just-" she sniffed slightly. "I guess I thought that somehow, some way that person would me."  
He rubbed their noses together slightly and kissed her forehead.  
"…me too. When we had that fight…it hurt and I had to do some serious thinking about myself…and how you saw me. I knew that I wanted to be more for you, for me, for us. I needed for you to see me as something better than a no account slacker that wasn't even trying to make something of himself. I would see you around sometimes, sitting on the bench reading and I would just watch you. It gave me comfort and pushed me to do something and then you were gone."  
"I-"  
He silenced her with the softest butterfly kiss on the very tip of her lips.  
"And now you're back…"  
(v/o)The only back I ever wanted to be was in your arms.  
(v/o)…you feel so right in my arms…  
The two looked into each other's eyes, each searching for an answer that wouldn't hurt someone, but both knowing that was an impossibility.


	9. The Bar

         “We ne-”

         “Don’t say we need to talk,” was her quiet request. She sat beside him, not touching, on the sofa. “I don’t want to know how long; I just want to know was it worth it?”

         He didn’t look at her. He wanted to make it better…….but there was no making it better……not now……not ever. Lyrics of the past echoed in his brain, taunting him in his own voice……

_Betrayal, yeah. Stabbed in the back Betrayal, yeah. I’m stretched on the rack Betrayal, yeah. Thrown out of whack She’s thrown out of whack……._

        

         “You don’t deserve- my mess. I should have……”

         “Why did you marry me?”

         He turned to her and spoke honestly.

         “I do love you. It’s just- she’s different.”

         “No, she’s just the path not taken. She holds some kind of fantasy allure over you and you let her.”

         He closed his eyes and slumped back into the couch.

         “That’s not it.”

         “Really? You were…… intrigued by her ways when you were both younger. You always said that she was so ‘cool’ without even trying. You placed her on a pedestal and someone as smart as her could never be wrong, so everything that she said or did was right and ‘meant something’. Then you fell out of her good graces and it hurt you- it broke you….. at least for a while.”

         _I will not beg for your love. No matter how much it hurts, I won’t beg._

         “All she did was tell the truth. I wasn’t doing anything with my-”

         “Are you seriously defending her actions to me right now?”

_You’re not dense._

         “So all she has to do is come back to town, make nice, and everything that we’ve worked towards is over?”

         He sat up and turned to her. He wanted to take her hands in his, but he didn’t dare touch her.

         “You asked me a question earlier and I would like to answer it.”

         He looked at the way that she was sitting with her arms crossed, rigid stance and her eyes seemed to be searching his face for something.

         “Nothing is worth hurting you.” He moved to touch the side of her face lightly so that her eyes were back on him from where she’d shifted them in disbelief. “That’s what I told her. She- my past with her is exactly that- My past.”

         “What happens when she decides that she wants you back in her life?”

         “Two people have to want the same thing.”

         “……and you wanted her……you’ve had her.”

         His eyes never wavered, but she did see the sorrow in them.

         “I never meant to hurt you- either of you. You are my wife. I love you.”

         “You love her too……”

         “I……love the her that I knew. She’s changed; I’ve changed. We’ve both mo-”

         “How can you say that? Neither of you have moved on or it wouldn’t have happened,” she sniffed slightly and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I can’t be your second choice and I won’t be your obligation. I deserve better.” She stood and wiped her hands on the thigh of her pants, trying to find a place for her eyes to settle. Anywhere would do, just as long as it was on him.

_He’s unfaithful and I feel bad for him? In what world does that make any sense? The women of the world would get together and kick my ass- and they should._

         “If you can’t be honest with yourself, then how can you be honest with me?” Her words were a whisper spoken from a broken heart.

         She left then, letting the door slam behind her.

 

 

The Zon……

_I don’t even drink and yet here I am giving into the cliché._

         She found herself sitting at the bar and holding the drink.

         _Getting drunk because of my cheating husband…... Should I get even and screw somebody else too? Would it even matter to him? Did he leave after I did and go to see here?_

         “Hey.”

         “Get lost Nick. I don’t need _his_ friends defending him for something so- so- indefensible.”

         “That’s not why I’m here,” the pink spiked haired man said sitting down next to her. “I’m here……for you.”

         She glanced at him sideways, then back at the drink in her hands.

         “Don’t get me wrong, Trent is my friend- I just thought that you could probably use a friend right now.”

         “He called you?”

         “Uh- not exactly.”

         Nick didn’t really want to say that he had seen Daria and Trent leaving the hotel and when he had went by the house and found Trent was a wreck, he could pretty much guess what had happened there.

         “I stopped by the house……”

         She kept her eyes on her drink.

         “You friends with her too?”

         “Doesn’t change things. You’re Trent’s wife.”

         “That’s not what I asked.” She looked at Nick squarely then. “How are they……together?”

         “I don’t-”

         “Was she good for him? Is he better with her?” she asked these things that she had wondered in spite of herself and cursed herself inwardly for doing so.

         “She’s just- different. You make him happy.”

         She nodded as though agreeing.

         “I thought so……but then I never thought that he would betray our commitment to one another. I really thought that he and I were……it.”

         “You don’t want to hear this but maybe this is just a rough patch- something to get through. Things- you guys can work it out.”

         She gave him a weak smile.

         “Right.”

         She pushed the drink forward and stood.

         “Can we talk?”

         She turned to where the voice had come from and knew at first glance that the short woman speaking was who her husband had been coveting all of this time.

         _Shit! I better call Trent- or Jesse- hell, these two chicks look like they are gonna go at it. They both look super pissed- can’t blame ‘em though._

         “Bitch you got a lot of nerve,” the newly risen woman said just before lunging for the shorter woman.


	10. A Fight Happens......

Phone rings……

         “Mr. Trent Lane?”

         “Yes……?” Trent’s heart was beating so loudly that he could barely make out what was being said.

         “There is a patient here at Lawndale Hospital with you listed as the contact person. If you could come dow-”

         “I’m on the way.” Trent slammed the phone and grabbed his keys running out the door.

         _Please god let her be okay. If she isn’t-_        

         Trent entered the emergency room and headed for the desk, but before he could reach it, he saw a stretcher with someone on it and doctors surrounding it.

 

The Zon……

         “What the hell-” Jesse made his way through the crowd to see what the commotion was.

_Man, I hope Nick hasn’t bitten off more than he can chew- again! HEY! That’s Trent’s wife- and Trent’s girl! Wholly shit, they’re fighting!_

         Each of the women was seemingly taking turns being on top of the other with the hair pulling and not so polite exchange of blows. Danny, one of the club’s bouncers and Jesse’s brother, managed to drag Daria off of the screaming and kicking wife that managed to hold on to a handful of Daria’s hair during this time. It took two additional men to keep them apart my dragging them to opposing ends of the place.

         “Stay still,” Jesse said trying to assess Daria’s condition. She was scraped up pretty bad. She had a shiner coming through on her right eye, a split lip, lovely purple bruise on her left cheek, and a smear of blood across the forehead from a cut he could not see. She just looked at him blankly. “I can guess what the fight was about- or rather who,” he stated dabbing at her bruises with the alcohol provided by a barkeep.

         “I just wanted to talk to her.” Her voice was flat and lifeless, much like Jesse remembered. He also remembered that Trent had told him that she learned to use that voice as a means to disguise what she felt. “I guess that was a mistake.”

         “Yeah, it was.”

         “She jumped on me! –ouch!” her outburst at a defense was short-lived by the pain from her unaccommodating face and its newly received bruises.

         Jesse just looked at her.

         _You have sex with her husband and you think ‘she’ threw the first punch? Yeah, right!_

         “You think I’m a horrible homewrecker don’t you?”

         Jesse continued trying to clean her up without looking at the torn blouse and the parts that were now revealed for all to see. As if on cue, she seemed to realize that her shirt was torn and began to try and adjust the tattered pieces- though really there was nothing she could move without revealing something else.

         “Here.” Jesse took off the button down that he wore and handed it to her. She took it gratefully and slid into the large shirt as quickly as she could with more than a little pain as she did so. Jesse helped as best as he could to get her straightened out. Jesse continued to dab at the cut by her eye, but it still bleed. “Maybe we should let a doc-”

         Daria could hear some of what he was saying at first, but then everything went dark.

And in another corner……

         “Stay still,” Danny told the woman as she squirmed every time he dabbed at one of her cuts with the alcohol, “it’ll go much easier if you are still. I’ve been through enough of these things to know what to do.”

         “That Bitch!” she seethed angrily looking in the direction of where she had seen Jesse take the woman. She felt the pain from the fight, but was not yet ready to acknowledge it. All that she had wanted to do was inflict some kind of pain into the very cause of her pain.

_Talk! Talk! About what? About you screwing my husband? Now Jesse’s over there hearing her sob story- FINE, he’s Trent’s friend; he’s her Friend. Don’t I deserve loyalty? Guess I’ll just be loyal to myself, since I am the only one I can count on!_

         “I’m fine,” her words were more for herself than to the young man attending to her.

         “Look, it’s none of my business but, someone like you shouldn’t be fighting. You’re too much of a lady.”

         “What’s your name?” she asked him suddenly.

         “Danny.”

         “I need to go home Danny.” She made to stand, but wobbled slightly. Danny caught her in his arms and shifted her back into a sitting position.

         “Maybe we should let a doctor take a look at you.”

         “Jesse!”

         “Danny!”

         The brother’s yelled out each other’s name in union and soon the paramedics were there taking both ladies to the hospital.

 

The Hospital……

         “How are you doing sleeping beauty?” Trent’s voice came in through the sleepy haze of patient.

         “Shut up.” Nick rolled over and tried to cover his head with the hospital sheets, but Trent pulled them down to get a good look at bruised older man.

         “No, really. How are you?”

         “Well,” Nick rolled into a sitting position and looked at his friend, “I got my ass kicked by two women that were fighting over you, so I’m not that good. I mean I didn’t exactly come out on top here.”

         “Sorry about that man.” Trent’s voice was genuinely apologetic.

         They were silent for a moment.

         “So since I got my ass kicked trying to break those two up, can I just ask what the hell are you doing?”

         “Fucking up everyone’s life……” He looked down at his hands then back at Nick. “I’m gonna try and fix this- for everybody.”

         “That’s just it man. Someone is gonna get hurt no matter what. Just make a decision and do that thing.”

         Trent nodded solemnly.

         “Is he up?” Danny and Jesse poked their heads in the door and upon seeing the answer to their question, they entered the room.

         “Oh, dude that shiner is not gonna get you any play.” Danny observed as he got closer to Nick.

         “Oh contrary young lad,” Nick spoke around a smirk, “there were a couple of candy strippers in here that were into the whole naughty nurse thing.”

         “You mean candy stripers,” Jesse corrected.

         “Eh,” he shrugged seeing no difference.

         “Dude, you have the most luck,” Danny said clearly in awe.

         “Trent,” Jesse motioned for his friend to follow him outside. “They’re both here- getting checked out down in the emergency room.”

         “Are they hurt bad?”          “Don’t look like it to me, but I’m no doctor. Looks like they mostly got cut up by some broken bottles, but they did give each other some good hits too. Like I said, I’m no doctor though.”

         “Thanks man.”

         Trent took off towards the emergency room.       


	11. Jesse...... a good friend

         Trent entered the room and saw her. She sat up in one of the emergency room beds with the other two curtains drawn on each side to give the other patients their privacy. She raised her previously bowed head and held his gaze. Trent’s heart was still racing as he approached her.

         “What can I do?”

         She gave a slight shrug, then to her complete and utter dismay, the felt tears stinging the corners of her eyes. He sat beside her and hugged her.

         “When the hospital called-” he swallowed hard just recalling how scared he had been, “I was so afraid. I didn’t know what to think. I just knew that I had to make sure that you would be okay.”

         She listened while he spoke taking note of the protective arm that he still kept her in.

         “I know that,” he coughed slightly, “that I fucked up- that I fucked us up. If you give me a chance, “ he looked down at her, “I will make trust me- trust us again.”

         It was slight, but he felt the slight nuzzle into his arms that she did. For him it was a sign that perhaps she was more receptive to what was saying. He pressed his lips to her forehead briefly and gave a gently squeeze to her shoulder.

         “I love you……”

 

 

         “Daria…..?”

         She heard Jesse’s voice, but said nothing. All she wanted to do was leave.

         “Did the doctor say that you could leave?”

         She sighed and turned to him after buttoning the last of the buttons on his shirt that she still wore.

         “Yeah, actually. They gave some stuff for pain, so…..”

         “Have you seen Tr-”

         “……yeah, I saw him.” She looked at Jesse’s concerned face. He was really being a good friend to her right now and that was something that she felt that she was in dire need of.

         “Let me give you a lift?” Jesse felt bad for the small woman.

         “I could call……” Daria realized that she had no one to call. Her parents would want explanations that she wasn’t up for and Jane- well they hadn’t been as close as she would have liked. Now given what had happened, she seriously doubted that Jane would be sympathetic to her situation.

         “Come on.” Jesse gently urged her out the door and into his ride.

 

Jesse

         “You don’t have to do this.”

         Jesse looked at the petite young woman that had dominated his best friend’s thoughts and heart for much of the time since coming into his life. She wasn’t exceptional to look at, but she was pretty in her own way. Jesse was aware that she had the kind of smarts that could take her anywhere, but she had never made Trent feel inferior intellectually.

         “It’s okay.”

         _I don’t think Trent would want you to be alone right now……I wouldn’t want you to be alone from the looks of you……_

         “You should go and shower.”

         He watched her go into the other room and then hurried to change the sheets on his bed. He didn’t mind sleeping on them another night or three, but he was certain that she wouldn’t want to sleep in them.

         _Thank you mom for coming by here and doing my laundry for me- again…… Trent, Trent, Trent- she’s a fucking wreck. She looks like she wants to cry or throw up or both._

         Jesse shook his head and fluffed the pillow as best as he could before heading back to the front room and the couch that would be his for the night. He let out the pull out and found himself grateful for his mother’s help again, for it was she who had found the sofa bed at a yard sale and had bought it with the excuse that when his ‘bandmates’ came over they would have somewhere to crash. At the time he had thought that she was just being over protective again and trying to fill his space with her stuff, but now- well, the saying ‘mother knows best’ felt appropriate.

         “Jesse?”

         Her voice was small and unsure. He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her. She stood with one bare foot slightly turned in, her hair slightly damp, skin flushed from a hot shower, a nasty purpling of her left eye and various cuts on her face and arms wearing his tee shirt that fit longer than most chicks dresses.

         “Uhm- I could take the couch. You’ve been kind enough to let me stay here tonight. I don’t want to put you out even further.”

         “I wouldn’t feel right- besides this,” he patted the mattress, “is quite comfortable, so don’t sweat it.” He gave her a smile to put her at ease.

         “Thank you Jesse….. for everything.”

         She turned and went back into the bedroom and shut the door.

         _She looks……vulnerable……_

 

 

 


	12. The Choices We Make

         “Ah,” Daria winced at the sting of the alcohol that she was dabbing on her cuts. “Damn Zon and their broken bottles and stupid me, for getting into a fight over a guy. This is so high school.” She winced again inspecting her reflection and trying to cover it up with the make-up that she kept at the bottom of her purse- at Quinn’s insistence for emergencies.

         “Everything okay?” Jesse’s voice came from the other side of the door. She looked at the door and wondered not for the first time, why Jesse had chosen to be so nice to her, not that he had ever been mean or anything. He normally had a very neutral stance and little to say.

_Maybe Trent told him to- Stop it bitch, Trent is- well, after that talk in the hospital……_

         She opened the door.

         “I’m okay Jesse and thanks for everything. I had better get out of your way this morning.”

         “I got breakfast, if you want it.”

         He wore a white tee and jeans. This was the most fully clothed that she could remember him being.

         “You didn’t have to make me breakfast.” She followed him to the table noticing that he’d already put away the bed.

         “I didn’t do anything really. It’s just heat and serve stuff.”

         She looked at the waffles, sausage, and juice. It looked hot and good. She sat down. He did the same. They both dug in.

 

         “Jesse, its Trent open up,” Trent’s voice came from the other side of the door with an uncharacteristic urgency to it.

         Jesse looked at Daria, she had insisted on doing the dishes as a repayment and she had her back to him so he could not see her face. Jesse went to the door and opened it to a slightly frazzled looking Trent. Trent started talking with a speed that Jesse found amazing for the guy.

         “I can’t find her man. I wanted to make sure that she was okay and she wasn’t anywhere to be-” he stopped seeing the object of his conversation standing in his best friend’s kitchen and wearing his best friend’s SHIRT!

_What the FUCK is going on here?_

         He looked from one to the other for explanation.

         “I guess I just looked in the wrong places.” Trent said to no one in particular. He knew he had no right to be pissed. They were two adults and he himself was married, but fuck that shit- Jesse is- was- is- his best friend and she is- was- what the fuck ever- someone that means- meant- oh-for hell’s fury- he and Daria have ties. That kind of shit counts or it should.

         Jesse shut the door and went to take the dish that Daria was clutching, from her. He looked down at her and gave her what he hoped was an encouraging smile. She hugged herself and walked to where Trent stood. Jesse put the plate away and went to his room to give them some privacy.

         “Daria-”

         “Last night, what you said in the hospital……” her face seemed to capture every emotion as she spoke. She dared to touch the side of his face gently.

         She had been lying on the bed with her eyes closed when she had heard his voice coming from the next bed. She had listened silently while he had made his tearful plea to his wife and pledged his love. She had watched them leave through the slight opening in the curtain. Trent had held his wife carefully and had looked at her with such concern and affection. Daria had found herself sinking into a state of melancholy unlike that she had ever known before with each word that he spoke. The truth of his words felt like pelting shards of glass and she had made up her mind to leave so that she would not have to endure the looks of sorrow or regret that she was sure that he would cast her way during his inevitable goodbye speech.

         “You love your wife. Go, be happy with her.”

         “I ne-”

         “I know Trent.”

         That was the problem, she did know and it didn’t ease her pain or make her feel any better. Trent looked at her for a long time. Part of him wanted to forget her, let her become some memory of yester year, but a stronger part of him chose to memorize as much of her as he could for she had been an integral part of his life and was responsible for much of the good that had happened in it. She withdrew her hand and took a step back as though freeing herself physically of him would somehow allow her to do the same mentally.

_I don’t care what I said, DON’T GO! Stay here with me! Choose…..me……_

         He was gone. The walk to his car had never been harder.


	13. Trying to Move Forward

She didn’t know how long she stood there looking at the door after Trent had left. His closing that door meant that he had officially closed the door on them……after all of this time.

_He’s going to come back in. He will realize that he made a mistake and can’t live without me in his life. Trent would never…… he wouldn’t….. he couldn’t….. leave……me……_

Jesse came out once he had heard the sound of Trent’s car. He stood looking at Daria’s small form standing there looking at the door like a lost puppy. He was unsure of what to do, so he waited and then slowly, he made his was way to her and threw and arm around her very still body.

 

Jane……

         “You’re kidding me right?” Jane had greeted Jesse with this question while brushing past him and entering into his apartment. Jesse looked at his old friend questioningly.

         _Come on Jesse, even you are not this dense!_

         “You’ve moved Daria into your place?” Jane had her hands on her hips and was brimming with indignation.

         Jesse’s eyes shifted towards where Daria was sleeping in his room, then back to Jane.

         “Keep your voice down, she’s sleeping.” Jesse motioned for Jane to join him in the kitchen area.

         “I’ll ask you again,” Jane asked with hands on her hips and impatience evident as she tucked a strand of her waist length hair behind on ear, “you’re kidding me right? This is some sick, sad, joke that you’re playing right?” She didn’t wait as she continued to verbally attack him, though at a more subdued tone. “You’re shacking up with you best friends ex that almost wrecked his life-”

         “Shut up Jane,” Jesse’s harsh tone was not something that she had ever dealt with before. Jane looked at him with hurt feelings.

_They always want to protect her……that’s how it starts._

“She’s going through a rough time.”

Jane looked at Jesse and remembered how she’d had such a massive crush on him at one time. He was still attractive with the long brown hair that he had pulled back into ponytail and he wore a grey tee that had The Zon wrote on it and some jeans that fit him in all of the right places, but she was with Jeff currently and enjoying getting to know him.

“Everyone goes through things. Who designated you to be her champion?”

“It’s not like that.” He was growing frustrated with Jane coming into his place with an attitude about something she didn’t know anything about- at least from his perspective.

“So what is it like?”

“She’s- she needs help dealing with……everything. You didn’t see her at the hospital and after Trent left her. She looked…… beaten.”

“She was screwing another woman’s husband. How did she think that it was going to end? Everything can’t always be about her.”

“She knows- and she wasn’t the only one……doing that.” Jesse corrected Jane to Jane’s annoyance.

_Jesse, Jesse, Jesse……_

“You’re right,” she moved closer to Jesse, “Trent, your best friend, and Daria were fucking.” Jesse flinched, to Jane’s further annoyance. So she continued to further illustrate her point. “That’s right, your best friend Trent and the woman that is lying in your bed, you know the one that you feel so sorry for, were butt naked in a hotel and doing the horizontal mambo.”

“Stop it Jane. What is your point here? I mean, isn’t she your friend?”

“My point is……I don’t want you to get caught up in that mess. You shouldn’t be the one to rescue her.”

“I don’t need recusing,” Daria’s voice came from where she stood in the bedroom doorway.

“Then you sure are playing the part of someone that does,” Jane quipped turning on her friend angrily.

“Jesse has been,” she looked to Jesse, “more than kind to me and I am grateful for that. I won’t be imposing on him any longer though. I plan on leaving in a few minutes.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Jesse shot Jane a look telling her to be quiet, something that she promptly ignored.

“I think that’s a great idea.”

Daria looked at her old friend.

“I never meant to-”

“You never mean to do anything, but shit always happens around you. I told you not to go jerking my brother around and her you go and try to bust up his marriage.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that he got married?” Daria asked feeling hurt by Jane’s huge omission.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure about them at first. I wanted to give them a fighting chance, then it got easy and Trent was so happy. I just want him to be a Lane that has real happiness and shit. Why is that so wrong?”

“……and I could never make him happy, huh?”

“Well, judging from the carnage so far……” Jane gestured to Daria’s face.

“I’m sorry……for everything.”

Jane sighed exasperated with her friend and herself for being swayed by the woman’s pitiful appearance.

“You look like hell.”

Daria shrugged.

“Matches how I feel then. Good.”

The two women smiled at each other. They both moved to sit on the couch facing each other. Jesse chose the recliner opposite them.

“Seriously Daria, what do you plan on doing now?” Jane was truly worried about Daria. Regardless of how Jane felt about Daria’s recent choices, she still wanted what was best for her. She still loved her friend, no matter how long it had been.

“Return to New York and my job. Keep working on……stuff.”

“So……nothing of grave importance?” Jane supplied. “Why not come back to Boston with me?”

“It’s only a few hours’ drive from New York.”

“Exactly,” Jane said as if that proved her point.

“I do have a job to get back to since things……didn’t work out here.”

“But- and I don’t mean this in a rude or mean way-”

“Not that it’s ever stopped you before.”

Jane shot her friend a wicked smile and nodded.

“Right. You were gonna uproot everything and make some drastic changes had things worked out different, so why not still make those changes only for you. Do it because you want to do something else with your life. You can still write in Boston and you made some good connections there. I know that you could find some more work and it would probably have more oomph to it now since you’ve lived in New York and absorbed some of their- ah uniqueness.”

“Your pitch is tempting, but-”

“Then say yes. I have had some success with getting my name out there in the art circuit and the students that I teach are like mini prodigies that look to me for guidance.”

“You can’t rescue me either Jane.” Daria stated warmly with an appreciative smile at her friend. “You seem to have a great life. I would be a train wreck going into that right now, but how about we make plans to visit each other and talk on a regular basis?”

Jane nodded understanding where her friend was coming from.

“So, what now?” Jesse spoke making the girls realize that he was still there.

“I go back and get some things in order.” She smiled feeling stronger than she had in what felt like forever. “Like I said, I am going to make some changes in my life and even though this turned out- anyway, I want things and I ‘m gonna start doing things to make them happen.”

“You can count on me to help you out.” Jane spoke.

“Me too.” Jesse added.


	14. Pregnant......

         Daria stood at the window to her apartment looking but not really seeing the traffic outside. So much had happened since she had left Lawndale…… She had gone back to New York and true to their words; Jane and Jesse had really been there for her. They had alternately been to see her and she them- well, she had met with Jesse in Boston, usually via a route from some gig that he never went into detail about. A few months out she felt as though she were finally finding some kind of normalcy in her life- in work anyway. She had gotten a boost with her new position as an editor and some rather lucrative jobs as a proofreader for some major books that were coming out. The busy work had been a welcome respite, but it had taken a bit of a toll as well.  That was why she was seeing her doctor, to get a little booster in the form of a B12 shot and the intent to scale back on the load of work that she had acquired.

         _Pregnant…… **PREGNANT!** But the last time I- it was so long ago…… How could I not know? Is he kidding? I just lost the love of my life- well not just lost- it was months ago, but……pregnant…… Tell the father? If I’m reacting like this then, he’ll- He’s not me…… he’s- _

 

 

 

 

An informative visit……

         “Hey.”

         “Hey.”

         He entered the apartment and took the seat that she had gestured towards across from her.

         “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

         Jesse looked at her with concern. She had been doing well and they had made plans to meet up with Jane and Jeff for some very touristy stuff- as Jane had put it.

         “I’m pregnant.”

         _Well, that was just to the point without sugar coating it. I think he’s in shock. He’s just sitting there without blinking. Say something! Damn, knock at the door!_

         “Come on guys, get a move on. Jesse, why are you sitting?” Jane came in like the cyclone that she tended to be.

         “I was just talking to him about the baby.” Daria spoke up with the doorknob still in her hand.

         Jane looked at Jesse incredulously.

         “I thought we agreed not to tell her yet.” Jane accused to Jesse, and then looked back at Daria. “I’m sorry; I just didn’t want you to have any setbacks. You’ve been doing so well……” she looked at Daria’s now extremely pale face. “I knew that it would hurt when you found out that Trent was going to be a dad.”

         “Jane……” Jesse found his voice, but it was too late. Daria had already heard enough from Jane to understand what was going on.

         “I need to be alone.” Daria spoke quietly.

         “Daria-” Jane tried to comfort her friend.

         “Now……” Daria’s request broached no room for arguing, so Jane and Jesse both left.

         _It’s not like you didn’t know that they were together. Of course they would be- that they would have- they created a child together……Trent……a dad……a father……to someone else’s child……_

 

Knock, knock, knock……

         She wasn’t expecting anyone, but she knew who it was. She opened to the door to Jesse’s concerned muscular form holding a bag that smelled of pastries. She allowed him entry.

         “I’m not weak Jesse,” she announced while he busied himself in the kitchen area rummaging through the fridge for something to drink.

         “You should get some milk.”

         “I just found out I’m pregnant Jesse and for the record, just because someone finds out that they are pregnant doesn’t mean that they have to have an endless supply of milk.” Daria exploded on a mildly surprised Jesse.

         “I was talking about……” he held up the bag of pastries and shook them for emphasis. Daria flushed red with embarrassment. “Soda is fine, but the sweetness from it does battle with the sweetness from the pastries and then all is lost.”

         “You’re right.” Daria regretted her harshness with someone that had only shown her kindness. “Sorry.”

         Jesse brought bottled water from the fridge, the bag of pastries, took one out for himself and sat the rest on the table in front of her. She picked up the bag and peeked inside. After choosing a glazed doughnut she settled back into her position.

         “Jane said she would come by later.”

         “I don’t need to be baby sat. I’m fine.”

         “I didn’t tell her……about what you said.”

         “Thanks.”

         Daria ate the last few bites of her doughnut and licked her fingers.

         “When did you find out?”

         “A day or so ago; I was just supposed to be getting an energy boost.”

         “Did _they_ know that?”

         She laughed out loud then.

         “Jesse, you’re terrible.”

         He smiled at her.

         “Made you laugh.”

         “Yeah, you did.”

         They both laughed again each feeling a sense of relief.

         “He’s happy, right Jesse?” she asked suddenly catching them both off guard.

         Jesse nodded.

         “Seems to be.”

         “You’ve known him the longest. Does it feel……happy when you’re around him? Does he look-”

         “Daria,” he put his hands over hers to settle her down a bit. She hadn’t really moved, but her voice carried urgency edged with franticness. “It’ll be okay. We’ll figure something out.”

         Daria looked into Jesse’s eyes and felt that she could believe what he said, but this was not his cross to bear.

         “I’ll be fine Jesse.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and they looked at each other warmly.


	15. Daria and Jesse......talk

_My decision isn’t meant to be malicious; I hope that you believe that. If anything, this decision is made out of complete and total pure love for all parties concerned…… Look at you, so small, so perfect._

               Daria put the sonogram picture in the scrap book that she had on the dresser. For better or worse, she had made her decision about what to do. She would have and raise the baby in New York with no contact with Trent. She hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy- other than Jesse. She had made a point to avoid Jane like the plague, keeping their visits to face chatting, above the neck, and phone calls. Jesse had agreed to keep her secret only because he really didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t want to mess up Trent’s marriage with something like this- besides the guy was already having a baby with his wife and Daria hadn’t really recovered from her and Trent’s break up. He came and spent time with her whenever he could and as she grew bigger he would find himself there more often.

         “The band broke up,” Jesse announced over dessert that consisted of coffee cake and milk. He watched her reaction as he drank from the jar of milk that Daria had poured for him.

         “Oh?” she sounded casual, but kept her eyes down as though studying the cake.

         “Yeah……it was pretty mutual for everyone. We all have……other priorities and stuff. We just weren’t feeling it anymore.”

         “How do you feel about that? I mean, music is like a part of your blood. Can you just give it up?”

         “I don’t plan to. I said Mystic Spiral broke up, that doesn’t mean that each of us won’t find our own way of satiating our individual thirsts for musical satisfaction.”

         She nodded.

         “I see. Any ideas as to what you  were straying towards?”

         He shrugged. He didn’t really want to talk about how Trent had suggested that they do some duet type stuff for a while and he had turned it down. It was obvious to anyone that she still had it bad for the guy and he didn’t really want to throw Trent in her face.

         “I won’t fall apart if you say his name Jesse,” she said sensing that there was something concerning Trent that he wasn’t sharing. “I want you to feel free to talk to me about anything- including Trent. He and I- well, that was a lifetime ago.”

         _You’re carrying his child._

         “Mmm…….”

         “He’s your best friend. I don’t expect you to just cut that part of your life out, just because you feel sorry for me.”

         “I’m not here because I feel sorry for you.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke. “I like you and I think that you got a raw deal on this whole thing.”

         “I’m a grown woman.” She corrected kindly. “I got involved with a married man. It’s my own fault.”

         “You weren’t the only one involved,” Jesse countered and looked at her with unwavering certainty.

         “I kind of pushed him into Jesse.”

         Jesse looked at her skeptically.

         “I went there and threw myself at him. I made all of these declarations and even after he told me about- about her……I kissed him. Then we went back to my hotel room and……I should have used my brain.” She finished quietly.

         “The heart wants what the heart wants and there is no shame in taking a chance on love.” Jesse waited a moment, allowing his words to sink in. “Trent is the one that’s married. He made a commitment to someone and _he_ is the one that broke it.”

         “……with me.”

         “True.” Jesse sighed. He hated these kinds of conversations. He didn’t like that she was looking all hurt and taking the blame for something that wasn’t just her fault. Best friend or not, Trent bore some of the responsibility for Daria’s pain, the baby being without a father- shit all of it. “Try not to beat yourself up about it Daria. What’s done is done……and it’s probably not good for the baby either.”

         Daria’s hands flew protectively over the protrusion of her abdomen. He was right and she knew it. Raking herself over the coals was a counterproductive move.

         “Have you changed your mind……about telling him?”

         “……no, I haven’t. I’m just not sure what it would do besides put everyone’s life in pure upheaval.”

         “He would have his dad,” Jesse nodded to her belly.

         _How did you know that it was a boy?_

         “Trent’s married.”

         “That just means that he,” he nodded toward her belly again, “would have a brother.”

         “Trent’s having a son?”

         Jesse nodded.

         _Two women- both amazing and he knocks ‘em both up- and they still love him. Damn Trent, I need to bottle whatever the hell it is that you have. Hell, do you even know what you have?_

         “I don’t mean to upset you and I’ve tried to give you time to come to terms……with things.”

         She listened to Jesse’s concerned voice.

         “I just think that you’re kind of- well, hiding from the reality of the situation. Your family is in Lawndale. Trent, the father of your child- he’s in Lawndale. Your best friend is Jane- she’s Trent’s sister. Are you really willing to give up all the people that love you? And for what, to save face or something?”

         Her face remained expressionless, but for her eyes. They sparkled now with tears barely held in check. She didn’t dare speak. He moved to sit beside her. She leaned so that her head now rested on his shoulder.

         “I just-”

         “Why don’t we start with Jane? We could tell her first and……go from there.”

         “Sure. Do you have a large shot of Hennessey to get me through it?”

         “Sorry kid,” he looked down at her upturned face, “you’re carrying special cargo there.”

         “Dang it,” she mocked snapping her fingers with a smile on her face. “Well, no time like the present. Hand me my phone.”

         He retrieved the phone from the table and handed to her after giving her an encouraging smile.

_Here goes everything……_


	17. Daria tells Jane

“I have something to tell- well, show you- and don’t freak out okay?” Daria said into the phone that she held level with her face.

“I make no promises other than to try,” Jane declared giving her friend her full attention. 

Daria looked at Jane and was regretful for what was to come. Jane had grown her hair out and now had it pulled back into a ponytail that hung past the nape of her neck, with exception to the wisps that had fought their way free around the angular features of her face. It reminded Daria of how much growth Jane had done and why Daria herself felt as though she had not grown any. Jane was truly her best friend and had stood by her through the whole affair- in spite of how she felt about it. Jane had even help her to try and heal from the whole thing and hadn’t been judgmental at all. Daria slowly moved the camera out so that Jane could get a full view of her burgeoning belly.

“Are you- Is that- You’re……pregnant?”

Daria moved the camera back up to her face.

“Yeah…… I found out a while ago and……” she shrugged.

“How is my little niece or nephew?” Jane’s voice was oddly calm.

“The baby’s fine,” Daria squeaked out. “I didn’t plan this……”

“I know. How are you…..?”

Daria gave a weak reminiscent of a smile.

“Thanks in large part to Jesse and you……I’m fine.” Search as she might, Daria couldn’t find any of the hate that she had feared would be there. 

“I’m glad that you told me. Have you told your folks?”

Daria shook her head. 

“I told you first- well, after Jesse.”

“When are you telling- everyone else?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

Jane noted the discomfort, but it’s not like this situation was going to get any better before it got worse.

“So you thought that you would ease into it by telling me first?” Jane gave a quirky smile.

“Something like that, but I really did hate keeping it from you.”

Jane nodded and scratched the back of her head.

“He has to find out you know.”

Daria nodded. She knew, but it didn’t mean that she would like it.

“I’ll go with you; just tell me when.”

“Me too,” Jesse spoke from the kitchen area.

“Thanks, but-”

“No offense but I don’t think that the Mrs. Will agree to him meeting you solo.”

Daria had to smile at that. 

“No, I don’t think that she would either,” Daria cleared her throat. “But I have to try and approach this like an adult so I’m gonna call and make plans to speak to them both.”

Jane’s face immediately held worry, as did Jesse’s.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Jane voiced first.

“Yeah, the last time that you tried to talk to her you ended up in the hospital,” Jesse offered coming into Jane’s view on the screen for the first time.

“I know,” she looked from the concerned Jesse to the concerned Jane. “I’m hoping that as a mother to be, she will be a bit more subdued and see that I’m just trying to make the best out of this situation.”

All remained silent for a few moments more.

“I have to try……for the sake of my child- for both children.”

“Let me set it up okay?” Jane filled in quickly. “I’ll……cushion things as best as I can.” She looked at her friend’s determined face. “If she hears from you first, she’ll go on the defensive. Let me just set up a meeting, okay?”

Daria gave a hesitant nod.


	18. Daria tells Jane

“I have something to tell- well, show you- and don’t freak out okay?” Daria said into the phone that she held level with her face.

“I make no promises other than to try,” Jane declared giving her friend her full attention. 

Daria looked at Jane and was regretful for what was to come. Jane had grown her hair out and now had it pulled back into a ponytail that hung past the nape of her neck, with exception to the wisps that had fought their way free around the angular features of her face. It reminded Daria of how much growth Jane had done and why Daria herself felt as though she had not grown any. Jane was truly her best friend and had stood by her through the whole affair- in spite of how she felt about it. Jane had even help her to try and heal from the whole thing and hadn’t been judgmental at all. Daria slowly moved the camera out so that Jane could get a full view of her burgeoning belly.

“Are you- Is that- You’re……pregnant?”

Daria moved the camera back up to her face.

“Yeah…… I found out a while ago and……” she shrugged.

“How is my little niece or nephew?” Jane’s voice was oddly calm.

“The baby’s fine,” Daria squeaked out. “I didn’t plan this……”

“I know. How are you…..?”

Daria gave a weak reminiscent of a smile.

“Thanks in large part to Jesse and you……I’m fine.” Search as she might, Daria couldn’t find any of the hate that she had feared would be there. 

“I’m glad that you told me. Have you told your folks?”

Daria shook her head. 

“I told you first- well, after Jesse.”

“When are you telling- everyone else?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

Jane noted the discomfort, but it’s not like this situation was going to get any better before it got worse.

“So you thought that you would ease into it by telling me first?” Jane gave a quirky smile.

“Something like that, but I really did hate keeping it from you.”

Jane nodded and scratched the back of her head.

“He has to find out you know.”

Daria nodded. She knew, but it didn’t mean that she would like it.

“I’ll go with you; just tell me when.”

“Me too,” Jesse spoke from the kitchen area.

“Thanks, but-”

“No offense but I don’t think that the Mrs. Will agree to him meeting you solo.”

Daria had to smile at that. 

“No, I don’t think that she would either,” Daria cleared her throat. “But I have to try and approach this like an adult so I’m gonna call and make plans to speak to them both.”

Jane’s face immediately held worry, as did Jesse’s.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Jane voiced first.

“Yeah, the last time that you tried to talk to her you ended up in the hospital,” Jesse offered coming into Jane’s view on the screen for the first time.

“I know,” she looked from the concerned Jesse to the concerned Jane. “I’m hoping that as a mother to be, she will be a bit more subdued and see that I’m just trying to make the best out of this situation.”

All remained silent for a few moments more.

“I have to try……for the sake of my child- for both children.”

“Let me set it up okay?” Jane filled in quickly. “I’ll……cushion things as best as I can.” She looked at her friend’s determined face. “If she hears from you first, she’ll go on the defensive. Let me just set up a meeting, okay?”

Daria gave a hesitant nod.


	19. Daria, Jake, and Helen

        Daria looked at her parents and waited for their reactions. Her mother held a perfect poker face, with eyes that seemed to be trying to see into her daughter’s brain and figure out something. Her father had instantly launched into proud grandfather to be mode. He held her hand gently squeezing it and told his daughter how he was going to make sure that his grand kid learned how to fish- the right way and other ‘very important’ things that only he, as a grandfather, could bestow upon him or her. She looked at her father feeling grateful for how he was trying to ease her acute discomfort with the reveal of her pregnancy to them.

        “What about the baby’s father?” her mother finally asked quietly.

        Daria swallowed the knot in her throat before answering.

        “Honestly mom, I don’t know.” She took a steadying breath and felt the reassuring squeeze from her father’s hands that remained clasping hers, even when she had tried to pull away. “I made some- careless decisions and I didn’t think of the consequences to my actions.”

        “And now you’re about to become an unwed single mother and the father gets to just do whatever he wants to whomever he wants.” Helen’s voice remained level, but Daria could see the protective flame in her mother’s eyes.

        “It’s not like that mom- well not exactly. He’s not a bad man. We just got carried away.”

        Her mother looked at her daughter carefully.

_She still harbors feelings for this man._

        “Who-”

        Daria’s eyes watered slightly when she thought of him now. She hadn’t meant for it to happen and she forced all thoughts of him from her mind on a daily basis, but right here and right now with her parents sitting across from her wanting to know about their grandchild and all parties involved- it became much more than she thought that it would be.

        “Daria……” her mother’s concerned voice brought her back to focus on Jake and Helen’s faces.

        “Trent.”

        Jake and Helen exchanged looks briefly.

        “What?” Daria asked them both.

        “Um, Trent came by- a few months ago.” Helen spoke. “He voiced some concerns for you. I thought that it was inappropriate given his marital status and him becoming a new-” Helen looked at her daughter sharply. “Well, I told him that you were not his concern and that he should focus on his wife and child- not my daughter.”

        “He didn’t- he doesn’t know mom. I haven’t told him yet.” Daria ran a hand through her hair. “Look, he and I-” she looked away. “That was- well it’s over and I just wanted to catch you guys up on what has been going on in my life. I don’t expect anything from anyone, but it you want to be a part of your grandchild’s life then I wouldn’t mind that.”

        “Of course we’re gonna be there for you sweetie,” Jake said softly. “You’re our little girl. Heck, I’ll even be your delivery coach.”

        Daria and Helen both laughed at this. The thought of Jake, the man that avoided all talk of ‘womanly troubles’ when Daria and Quinn were growing up, being in the delivery room participating in the most womanliest of events- well it provided a much needed laugh for the ladies.

        “Thanks dad, but I’m okay. I have my doctors and the Lamaze teacher has been very informative on what to expect.”

        Jake looked slightly crestfallen, but perked right back up.

        “I’ll read up on everything, just in case……you know for back up and stuff.”

        “Okay dad.”

        “When do you plan on telling Trent,” Helen spoke as gently as Daria had ever heard her.

        Daria plastered on a smile that was much braver than she felt.

        “Jane is arranging that for me.”


	20. The Meeting......

        Daria impatiently looked through the candy bars trying to find the one that just had to have. The craving for this chocolate bit of goodness had hit her when she was on her way to see Jesse and Jane and discuss whether or not the arrangements had been made for the impending meeting.

_Come on damn it! It has to be here. Ahhhh, there it is sweet deliciousness. I’m not even going to wait til I get back to Jesse’s, I’m gonna eat one right in the car and save the rest until after……the meeting. I wonder if he’ll bring her? I wonder what Jane told him…… Is this meeting a mistake? He needs to know, but seeing me……_

        She looked down at her protruding belly and touched it protectively.

_I hope that he can find some way to be happy about this. I know that this isn’t ideal, but it is our child and it was created from our love. Love, a four letter word that carries a lot of weight; Don’t worry little one, mommy will do her best to make sure that you always feel loved and secure……no matter whom is or is not in the picture._

        She smiled with her hands still on her belly and looked up into the eyes of the couple standing a few feet away.

        _Trent and his wife! Oh no! No! Not like this._

The couple was looking at the belly that she was touching so lovingly and while the wife’s eyes remained fixed on Daria’s belly, Trent’s eyes had come back to rest on her face. He had seen the love there before she had seen them and it was the most beautiful sight that he’d ever beheld. For a moment, it had taken his breath away. Then, in the blink of an eye, that beauty had been replaced with fear……

_Surely she’s not scared of me!_

        Daria turned abruptly and made her way to the front where she practically flung her money at the cashier before fleeing the store. The couple stood looking at each other now. Both understood that they had found out life changing news without even exchanging a word.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trent entered Jesse’s apartment looking around the room for the familiar face that he was there to see.

        “She’ll be out in a minute,” Jesse told him and took a seat on the worn sofa. Trent followed suite and sat adjacent to him in the chair. “Just remember man, she’s been through a lot.”

        Trent didn’t have a chance to respond because Jane came from the room, followed by Daria- an in full bloom pregnant Daria.

        _……she’s really pregnant……_

        “As you can see……” Jane motioned to Daria’s belly.

        Daria and Trent still looked at each other, neither moved.

        “We’re all here to decide the best way to proceed with things.” Jane allowed Daria to pass by her and take a seat on the couch. She took the spot next to her and Jesse stood, arms crossed, behind them silently.

        “How are you?”

_How do I talk to him when I feel like I can’t breathe?_

        She nodded.

        “We thought it best to come up with some kind of guidelines for when the baby is born,” Jane spoke up.

        “Assuming that is, that you would want to be a part of the baby’s life,” Jesse added quietly.

        Trent looked at him with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

        “Of course I want to be a part of my child’s life.”

        The two men stared at each other levelly for an uncomfortable amount of time.

        “Jesse and myself are just trying to make this whole thing go as smoothly as possible. We’ve established that you want to be in the child’s life, now what about your wife?”

        He didn’t miss the pain that flared through Daria’s eyes and she didn’t miss the same mirrored in his. Jane and Jesse looked on at two of the people that they cared about and felt helpless. Jane cleared her throat and continued.

        “I could tell her with you……might make it easier.” Jane suggested.

        “She knows Janey.”

        “How?”

        “They saw me when I stopped for candy.” Daria supplied. “I didn’t have a chance to tell you.” She looked at Jesse and Jane.

        _How could I when I didn’t want to admit it to myself._

        “Well what did she say?” Jane asked the question on everyone’s mind.

        “She needs time……to process everything.”

        Daria nodded without comment. Jane studied her brother.

        “What about you?”

        “I just want everyone involved to be okay.”

        “Well that’s unrealistic,” Jesse voiced quietly.

        “You got something to say man, just say it.” Trent shot at him.

        “Don’t lead her on.”

        “I wouldn’t-”         “No open ended answers. Clear and concise about who you want to be with and what you plan to do. No giving her the moony eyes and sorrowful looks of longing of what could have been or might be if things were different. She deserves the truth.” He finished looking at Daria.

        _He’s in love with her._

        “You sound like-” Trent looked from one to the other. “You’re in love with her?”

        Jesse gave a half smile.

_Of course that would be what he thinks because he’s in love with her._

        “I love her man b-”

        Jesse fell back against the wall from the stumble that he took caught off guard by Trent’s fist against his jaw. Trent was on top of Jesse trying to take another swing but Jane had managed to wedge herself kind of in between them so neither could hit the other without hitting her.

        “You taking advantage of her when she’s like this, that’s a low blow,” Trent said angrily.

        Jesse checked his jaw and feeling nothing broken he looked at Trent with just as much anger in his eyes.

        “I’ll let that one pass, but try that again and I will snap you like a twig.” He rubbed his jawline and looked at Daria, who now looked more than a little upset. “She doesn’t need this- from either of us. You can’t get mad if some other guy falls for her. She deserves to be happy too and for the record I was going to say that yes, I love her, but not the way you’re thinking. She’s a great lady and I just want her to be happy.”

        Trent looked properly chastised and retreated to the other side of the room without looking at anyone.

        “I’m sorry guys,” he remained with his back to them. “I just- I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here.” He turned to face them with remorseful eyes. “I know that I don’t want to hurt anyone-”

        “Trent,” Daria spoke and moved as quickly as she could so that she was closer to him, “go home to your wife and reassure her that it is where you want to be. I would never keep you from seeing your son-”

        “A boy?”

        She nodded. They both gave a weak smile.

        “I do think that visitation would be best handled via my parents. I’m sure that they’ll agree to be the designated pickup and drop off point.”

        “And when they can’t I’ll fill in,” Jane piped up.

        “Yeah me too,” Jesse added.

        “Sounds like a plan,” Trent said softly, reluctantly. “What about parent stuff that happens?”

        “Well I have to do all decision making for the day to day stuff and anything major I’ll contact you through text or something.”

        “Daria……” his voice was soft, like a caress to her ears.

        “It’s the best I can do right now Trent. I can’t pretend that I don’t still have feelings for you, especially with,” she touched her belly protectively, “I just think that this would be best for everyone.”

Her eyes pleaded with his for understanding. He nodded feeling the weight of everything trying to suffocate him in the enormity of their consequence.     

_I am so sorry that I can’t share every moment with you. Jesse is right, you deserve to be with someone that makes you happy……even if it isn’t me._

_We have to think of what’s best for both our children, because that’s what good parents do._

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

          She sat on the sofa with the television playing some soap opera that she couldn’t really concentrate on at the moment. Trent was in the kitchen making lunch and being the attentive father to be- like she knew that he would be. There had been no further discussion of ‘that girl’ beyond him confirming that the pregnant woman was carrying his child. What was she to say to that? On the one hand, he was being a stand-up guy and accepting his responsibilities, but on the other hand he is her husband and as innocent as the child is, it felt like the betrayal was being flaunted in the face of her own pregnancy. Trent sat the tray in front of her. She looked up at him. He looked down at her.

        “How is she?”

        He waited a beat.

        “She’s okay…..everything is…… okay.”

        _No it’s not. She carries your child…..and you’re still drawn to her._

        “I’m glad the baby is okay.”

        He looked at his wife. This wasn’t fair to her and it tore him up that he had done this…… that he had hurt so many people.

        _She deserves better than me……so does Daria……and so do my kids……all I seem to be capable of doing is hurting the people that I care about._

        He moved to kneel before her. His eyes bore into hers with the earnestness that she had fallen so deeply in love with. With great care he took her hands in his and held them while letting his thumbs softly grazed the knuckles. It was such a loving gesture……..

        “Thank you.”

_Don’t thank me……I still have so much resentment and anger……but I do love you and I’m certain that you love me. The thing is, I don’t know if you love her or if you loved her……and that’s what kills me a little inside. The uncertainty is smothering me._

        “You’ve been more than a little understanding and now…… it’s more than I could have ever expected.”

        She gave him a quick smile.

        “I could never blame an innocent child for……anything.” He watched as she struggled for what to say. “When will you- how often-”

        _God Trent are you seeing her? If so when and how often? How do you correspond? What’s it like? Damn, I hate this……_

        “When will you find out about the next appointment, or whatever?”

        “Jane or Jesse will relay any messages. She and I-”

        _Look at that hurt just then. I caused that. Damn it- no, damn me for it._

        “We have an agreement to not see each other unless necessary. I don’t want to keep hurting you. I want you, us to get through this.”

        “I don’t want to ‘get through it’.” She squeezed his hands gently. “I want for us to live each day together. I don’t want to ignore the hard stuff; I want for us to work it out together like a fully functioning unit. I want us to talk and laugh together again.”

        He kissed her now bowed forehead and took her into his arms.

“I’m sorry……so sorry.”

        “I know……I think I know it.”

        “I am sorry,” he whispered into her shoulder while stroking her hair, “You deserve so much more than what I have ever given you.”

        “Do you still love her Trent?”

        _He stiffened slightly……_

        “A part of me remembers what could have been, but my life is with you.”

        “I appreciate the nobility of what you’re saying,” She pulled back so that they were face to face, “but I need honesty- complete honesty. I will not live a lie. Our child doesn’t deserve that.”

        _Our child…… Our innocent little kid…..._

        “I love you and I want us- you, me, and our child to be a family.”

        “What about your other child?”

        His eyes were filled with unshed tears.

        “I have to be in his life too- as much as I possibly can. I’m not trying to hurt you, but like you said he is innocent in all of this.”

        “I would never ask that you ‘not’ be in your child’s life. That wouldn’t be right, not for you or for him. I need to know that you’re mine. I never questioned it before, but……”

        “I broke your trust. I want to rebuild it.”

        “I don’t have a timetable-”

        “As long as you’re willing to try, I know that we can make it.”

        “I am- willing to try.”

        He kissed her softly on the lips and moved to sit beside her on the sofa so that he could hold her in his arms. Both felt as though they could breathe a little for the first time in a very long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

“You two seem better,” Jane spoke to her sister in law while they shared a glass of tea for Jane and water for the extremely pregnant mother to be.  
The woman nodded in agreement with a glance towards her husband in the laundry room where he was starting a new load.   
“We are.” She looked at her sister in law a bit hesitantly. “I know that she’s your friend……and I know that she didn’t do anything alone, but……”  
“You’re my family and this whole thing is messy, but I want you to know that I only want what’s best for everyone,” she held the other woman’s eyes levelly, “including you.”  
“Thanks Jane. Trent and I have been talking about names, for our daughter. What do you think about Samantha Janel?”  
“Janel?”  
“Yeah, you’ve always been so supportive of our marriage I wanted to give a nod to that while giving my daughter her own individuality as well.”  
“What can I say, I’m honored.” Jane stammered slightly in surprise at such a privilege.   
“We’re the lucky ones Janey,” Trent spoke as he rejoined the ladies and put an arm around his wife. “You’ve always been a good sister and we know that you’ll be an even more awesome Aunt to our little one here.”  
Seeing her brother with his hand over his wife’s protruding belly with such expectant proud made Jane so happy for him. He was basically a good guy, he just got caught up in past feelings and unfortunately him and all involved were paying for it. Jane smiled at the couple.  
You guys might just be okay. You’ve weathered some big blows and you both seem to be holding on. Keep it up kiddos and I think that you’ll be fine.  
“On to some equally as important topics,” Trent said to both the ladies that were now looking at him, “what’ll we have for lunch?” they all laughed and Trent raided the fridge to see what he could come up with for his two lunch companions. It was shaping up to be a lovely afternoon.

 

“I enjoyed this afternoon.”  
“Me too.”  
“Ready for bed?” her breath held slightly as she awaited his answer.  
The couple looked at each other in the lamp lit bedroom that they hadn’t shared in quite a while. There had been nothing formally declared, yet both had known him falling asleep on the couch hadn’t been an accident after the third time. Things had been changing between them in gradual stages and now each could feel that it was time for them to move forward.   
“Only, if you are.”  
She nodded slightly and they both reached down to turn down their respective sides of the bed.  
“I’m gonna shower,” she took a last loving look at him before going into the restroom, “I won’t be long.”  
Trent looked to the space that she had been in for a while even after she had departed.  
She’s such a good woman- extraordinary really. I hope that I can make her happy again. Man, it doesn’t seem so long ago that she and I were practically newlyweds and our biggest problems were what to have for dinner.  
The warm water from the shower felt good hitting her shoulder blades and sliding down her back. She closed her eyes and stood there for a moment, soap in hand and allowed herself to joy this relaxing moment and how nicely the day had gone.   
Mmm…… Trent-  
Her eyes flew open at the feather light touch on her shoulder. Her husband stood there looking for confirmation from her that his presence was accepted. There had been a time that there would never have even been a question of it. They had jokingly called it ‘water conservation’ and had often made a joke of it. She gave a nervous smile and he returned it. No words passed between them. He picked up the soap and proceeded to gently lather her up the way that she had loved so many times before. He took great care in making sure that went in slow circular motions on and around her belly. She allowed herself to lean back against him slightly so that she could enjoy the feel of his long arms around her. The feel of his lips on her shoulder sent familiar warmth through her. Such a simple intimate gesture, she had forgotten this kind of thing that they had. Now here it was between them again…… She let the water rinse off the luxuriating suds and turned to him. She brought his mouth down to hers for a deep kiss. She picked up a loofa and proceeded to lather him up and give him a bath with the same loving care that he had done for her. She took special care with area between his shoulder blades and as she rinses him down she gave him a soft kiss in the middle of his back. To her delight, he gave a surprised shiver. Turning back to face her he caught her back in his arms a kissed her deeply once again. They soon exited the shower and still in silence toweled dry. The bedroom light was soft when they entered, she wearing a simple nightgown and him in his boxers. Once in bed and the beside lamps were turned out each moved so that they could embrace.   
I didn’t realize just how much I missed this. I didn’t know how much I missed you and us together like this.  
It’s been entirely too long my love……  
They made love that night each reaffirming, now physically, the commitment that they had made to each other before.


	23. Birth

        “Okay dad, we want you right here where mom can see you,” the nurse directed in the birthing room.

        “Okay-”

        “She’s having another contraction,” the nurse informed the doctor as he had come in and was now assessing the situation.

        “It looks like it’s time to bear down on the next contraction,” the doctor said in the general direction of his patient. “Get ready……”

        _Oh god this is so intense. She’s so amazing. Look at her, in so much pain and yet so strong. She’s bringing a life into the world._

_THIS HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!! I WISH MEN HAD TO EXPERIENCE THIS!!!!!! LOOK AT HIM OVER THER WITH THAT DAMN GOOFY LOOK ON HIS PRETTY ASS FACE! WHAT IS THIS FREAKIN’ DOCTOR SAYING- I’LL PUSH WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE! HE HAD BETTER- OWWWWW……. DAMN IT, BEAR DOWN, OKAY I’LL- AHHHGGGGHHHH……. Crying, that’s my baby crying. Oh my, he’s so perfect……he’s just so perfectly beautiful, even covered in after birth he’s perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes and the most beautiful smile ever……_

        The new parents looked at each other as the nurse took their son away to get him cleaned up. Both had thoughts and emotions that filled them in a way that neither could have put into words if they had tried.

 

 

 

        Later……

        “He’s so beautiful.”

        “Handsome, the word is handsome.”

        “Shut up Jesse.”

        “You shut up Jane. Everyone knows that girls are beautiful and boys are handsome.”

        Daria listened to the two and their good natured banter. It was like music to her ears once the doctor had given her son a clean bill of health and she had checked out everything for herself of course. She had never imagined that she could love someone like this it was more than any book or feeling that she could have imagined. She looked at the little bundle that Trent held beside her and her heart swelled all over again.

        “Really guys, he’s pretty damn perfect.” Jane declared looking at her brother and friend.

        _Regardless of the circumstances, you two made a beautiful little boy. He’s got his father’s long fingers and legs and his mothers’ eyes that let you know that there’s a lot more going on back there than anyone would ever truly know._

        The quartet was soon invaded by the Morgendorffer’s and the barrage of photos that they took along with what looked to be every stuffed animal that Jake could find. The baby was surrounded by love and that was what Daria wanted for her child at all times, for him to feel loved, safe, and secure.

        “Penny for your thoughts there kiddo,” Jake had pulled a chair as close to his daughters bedside as he could. Quinn and Helen had went to get decent food, Jane and Jesse had to go to work and Trent had to leave for work with the promise that he would be back later. This was the first time that Jake had gotten to be alone with his daughter.

        “It’ll cost you more than that dad.” She spoke with her head still relaxed into the pillow and her eyes half closed.

        “You did good kiddo,” she felt him pat her hand and her eyes fluttered slightly to open a little bit.

        “Thanks dad.”

        _Look at you all grown up and now a new mother. Still daddy’s strongest little warrior……_

        “You’re gonna be a good mother sweetheart.”

        Daria, filled with sudden emotion, fought to keep tears at bay.

        “And you’ll be a great granddad.”

        The two smiled at each other.

 


	24. Goodbye

He looked at the little boy that was fast asleep in the bassinet.

        _He’s so perfect……_

        He turned back where Daria lingered in the doorway. They smiled at each other both feeling the effects of being proud new parents. She gestured for them to go into the other room. Once there, they found themselves feeling mutually awkward with an air of expectancy between them.

        “Can I get you something to drink or something?” Daria offered.

        “No thanks……” he looked back towards the room at the open door, “we made a miracle in there,” Trent’s voice was quiet.

        “I know,” she sighed. “That’s one good thing out of the mess that I made in your life.”

        “You didn’t do it alone Daria,” his gentle correction reminded her once again why she found it so hard to ever be truly mad at him. “I’m the one that’s committed to someone else. I’m the one that broke my vows.”

        Seeing the way he dropped his eyes in guilt and hearing the mournful way that he spoke touched her in a way that she hadn’t expected.

        “I really am sorry that- that- she got hurt. I never meant for-”

        “I know.” He looked at the woman sitting before him. She had become every bit as lovely and elegant as he had imagined that she would be.   

        “Can I ask if you are okay?”

        He smiled at that while nodding.

        “I’m fine- she and I are- much better.”

        “I’m glad.”

        _I’m glad for you. I promise that I am truly glad that you’re happy. You really deserve happiness._     

        “You deserve to be happy.”

        “So do you.” He immediately responded. “I want you to have someone in your life that makes you really happy.”

        _I had that once with you. I know that it’s gone, but it still hurts just the same._

        “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

        “I know.” She smiled weakly. “I’m a big girl. I’m not going to fall apart.”

_At least not in front of you……_

        “Okay……”

        He stood.

        She stood.

        “I’ll see you……”

        “Me too……”

        She watched him leave and stood at the window for a while afterwards. Days of times long gone flittered through her mind. She turned back to the empty room, crossed it and made her way back to sit in the room with the rocker beside the sleeping infant.

 

 


End file.
